You know that your curiosity is turning to pure, ungratifying spying (aka stalking) when you stay up till 2 am to wait for your slower-than-a-tortoise laptop to download le petit escargot's New Year's Eve festivities pictures from his friends website, and than, to top it off, analyze every single angle of the photos and wonder, "Why the hell is milibitches legs lying leisurely on my my boyfriends thighs? And, why are they sitting so close to each other? And, why the hell does she have to look so damn cute in all these photos?
Yes, y'all. My trust for le petit escargot has withered down to the size of the tiny black stubble on my legs. But whats worse is that my paranoia has ballooned to where it can't even take a breath anymore.
I never liked milibitch much anyway. She's one of his friends, the only single one of their little "group" mind you. The first couple times I spent time with her at dinner parties she would ask me ridiculously personal and prying questions. You know, the type of question that makes her seem to be nice and intrigued by you, but really deep down, she's only asking them to make you feel like you're beneath her. Some of her annoying questions:
milibitch: "So, you're not working, right? So, what to you do all day? (laugh) Nothing."
me (in my head): "What do you think I'm doing? I'm on freaking vacation."
A WEEK LATER:
milibitch: "Teema, did you find a job yet? Why are you tired? You don't do anything during the day. We, the people who work, should be tired. Not you."
me (in my head): "The next time she brings up myself doing nothing all day, I'm gonna..."
ON A DIFFERENT SUBJECT:
milibitch (in front of everyone at the table after I poured myself another glass of wine): "Oh, Teema. You drink more!?
me (in my head while reaching for another cigarette): "Gawd!! Can't this chick lay off me."
milibitch: "And, you smoke more!! Do you smoke like that all day?" (with a disapproving nod)
me (in my head): "I'll drink the entire bottle of wine and puff on 5 cigarettes just to get your voice out my head."
There's a brief description of milibitch, the thorn in my long-distance relationship. I'm feeling so insecure and it's driving my crazy!! I know that le petit escargot loves me and not her, but it's so hard to deal with this when I'm seeing pictures of them acting like a couple or hearing about them getting a drink -- oh, this is a good.
Apparently, milibitch and her friend went to a movie, then called mon petit escargot to meet them at a bar near his house for drinks. However, milibitches friend didn't stay for drinks and went home. So, what we have here is: 2 +1 = 3 - 1 = 2 people having a drink, which seems peculiarly like a set-up date. Then, two days later le petit escargot tells me that he's going to have dinner at his friends B's house, the boyfriend of milibitch's friend, so we may not be able to talk that night. The next day I learn that milibitch was there, too. How quaint! A friendly dinner of four. A double-freaking dinner date!
This whole situation is driving me crazy! I want to be able to trust him, but I don't know how I can cope with this when every other day it seems like his friends are trying to set them up and rooting for them to get together.
Trust issues. I'm way past that. I'm at the point where I'm waiting for new pictures to be posted so that a really incriminating one will give me a reason to blow up at him.
Any advice from those of you who have had a LDR?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
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3 comments:
well i have got a LDR with a French guy and his mother is in Roanne, and sh*t is so hard to take that, i read ur blog and there are SO MANY similarities with my life in common with him, just that we keep on living in distance and seeing each other every 3 months, 3 weeks or whenever job let us :-P. His family has been great to me and so far is all kindness and well it takes a blog to explain it. But you know very well, deep inside, how to interpretate those pictures and no one else should give a second opinion. And if you are going to break up for pictures with a girl - not the first nor the last who will appear in this situation next to him-, break up for the reasons he will give to you on a conversation over this matter. Makes more sense, the rest is heart breaking speculation while he is many hours away doing something else but stressing like u do now. Damn i hate being practical, life is not easy.We can talk if u want, just let me know
Hi Teema
I don't feel like I have any answers on this topic, but I'll add a thought or two. And yes, I'm also in a LDR (she's in France).
The seeming fact that milibitch is such an um, bitch, doesn't make it any easier. Her passive-aggressiveness towards you certainly suggests that she feels a need to be put you down.... which is a bit incriminating (though I don't claim to understand competitiveness between women, or women in general!)
But as er, Cleaning Lady, points out -- it's not really about her... she's "not the first nor the last who will appear."
Nor will I bring it back to "trust issues," which doesn't sound like it'd be helpful anyway:>) I think the question is: how are you going to act in the face of the fear of getting hurt, in the face of losing him? How are you going to respond to the inherent insecurity of a LDR? Yes, it might not work out. One of you may have a "moment of weakness," or decide that you want something else.
In the meantime though, let's consider: what effect does freaking out/obsessing have on you ... and what does the presence of jealousy do to the relationship? Yes this is stupid but bear with me. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Is it possible that the more we seek the promise of 'fidelity,' the more we tempt the other to seek 'freedom'?
I dunno, but it's food for thought anyway. We can't really control what happens overseas, and if they really want to stray, perhaps they should. But in the meantime, best of luck in rolling with it.
Peace
omg *now* i see that the post was in Jan 2008 not 2009--- lol! well good luck anyhow to anyone that can relate:>O
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