Have you missed me?

I'm back and ready to take on another chapter of my life of total incomprehension, only this time on that tiny dot to the left of that gigantic wall map I know you have in your bedroom. I'm sure all you inquisitive computer junkies are girating in you seats like a bitch in heat because you can't stand the anticipation!

A short update (I'll go into more detail later): I was forced to leave France to avoid finding my tushie in a French prison and I just really wanted to go home to normalize my life. I also missed my sisters and nieces terribly!! My petit escargot and I decided to stay together...so, raise your glasses to long-distance relationships!!

I survived the journey from France to Hawaii without being interrogated by the deportation police! Thank goodness. I was really in shambles the week leading up to my departure date, but gorging on surimi sticks and kebabs helped me through the trying times.

I'm typing on my new T-mobile Shadow Smartphone, so I have to make this short. It takes me about three minutes to tap in an apostrophe -- more rants about this burgeoning love/hate relationship with my brown shadow.

ALOHA!